How to make a military deployment less anxious and stressful for your children

We highlight some strategies for self-care, communication, and maintaining family routines that can boost your family’s resilience and mental health³.

As a parent or caregiver, try to build in time for self-reflection

Research suggests that parents with stronger self-reflection skills are more receptive to children’s emotional needs especially during times of heightened stress, like deployments^{4, 5}. You may want to try practicing mindfulness, journaling, or any form of contemplative practice that helps you be aware of your own thoughts, feelings, and emotional needs. This foundation of self-awareness will prepare you to be an engaged and present parent to your child, and boost your own mental health, which will in turn boost that of your child⁶.

Create an environment of open, honest communication about the deployment and your child’s emotional reactions to it

When you talk about the deployment, as well as the level of detail you share, will depend on the child’s developmental stage. However, across developmental stages, it is important to create an environment in which children and family members can speak openly about a range of topics related to the deployment, including painful emotions like fear and sadness⁷. Here are some of key messages you will want to deliver and repeat when discussing the deployment with your children:

• • Make it less abstract. Share as much practical information as honestly as you can with your children about the deployment. You may consider putting up a map and showing the children where the unit is deploying to, and helping them learn about that area. You may also want to discuss the types of jobs the service member will complete and their daily routine in developmentally appropriate ways.
  • Make a “coping” plan for the child. You may want to talk with the child about things they can do to feel better when they feel sad or scared during the deployment, or are missing their loved one. This could involve looking at pictures, writing a letter, or listening to an audio or video recording of the deployed spouse. This could also be integrated into a daily routine at bedtime, after-school, or in the morning.
  • Emphasize actions to stay safe while deployed. Children most likely will understand there is an element of danger to the deployment. It is important to acknowledge this, and to emphasize that the service member and unit will do everything possible to stay safe. Emphasize that all the hard work and training in the military thus far has prepared the unit for this job.
  • If there are siblings, encourage them to talk with one another about their feelings about the deployment. Research suggests that siblings can be especially important supports for one another during deployments⁸. Encourage your children to support one another and speak openly about their feelings. If your child does not have siblings, try connecting them to other military children. You may check out: http://ourmilitarykids.org.
  • Talk about the deployed spouse frequently. Talking about the deployed parent or caregiver will help keep that person present in the daily life of the child. You may want to cook the favorite meal of the deployed spouse, or read a book they love together. You can also share often how much the deployed spouse misses the child, and how they love them.

Maintain a flexible routine as best you can

Household routines and responsibilities will shift during a deployment. Try as best you can to anticipate ways in which routines will need to change and explain this to your children. Taking time pre-deployment to recognize practical things that will change may help some children cope better and feel less overwhelmed. It may be helpful to communicate that while the service member is making sacrifices, the family on the home front is as well, with each person making a sacrifice in their own way.

• • Schedule pleasurable family events more often. Given all the stress of a deployment, it is more important than ever to schedule fun, stress-relieving activities for the family to enjoy together. They can be small activities, such as a family bike-ride, cooking a meal together, watching a favorite show, reading a book aloud, or doing arts and crafts, or something larger like a trip to the movies or to a museum. Every family is working with different resources, and financial and time constraints can be a barrier to scheduling these sorts of activities. Try to find ways that fit with your schedule and resources, and involve your children with the planning of it.

Limit media exposure

Try as best you can to avoid watching media content that involves military action, or news of war zone activity with your children. It may be helpful to emphasize that the news you will share about the deployment will come directly from the deployed spouse, or the family readiness group officer. You can emphasize that this is a more accurate and direct depiction of what is going on with their parent/ caregiver than the media.

Deployments are so stressful; these strategies may help support your family during times of sacrifice and service.